This is a hard one to write. I really debated writing it at all. But I’m sure you are all wondering what is going on and this is the easiest way to let everyone know.

I guess having six children this year was not meant to be. I lost the baby last night. When I told Emi, Luke and Preston in the beginning that we were going to have baby they were so excited. I too was looking forward to having a new little one. So, for all of us this feels like a great loss. But we trust in the Lord and His compensating blessings.

Setting my personal feelings and emotional state aside… I don’t want to go into gory details but I also want to tell about this experience as it is unlike anything I have ever experienced or hope to experience again. Warning, this is slightly graphic.

With the sudden onset and amount of blood Amy called Leslie, who is a nurse. Leslie told Ocsana who called emergency. Leslie, Jim and Lena rushed over. I am so glad Leslie was there. She called my doctor in the states to find out what I should do. Everyone wanted me to go to the hospital but after all the horror stories I have heard about hospitals and doctors since being here that is the last thing I wanted to do. After talking to my doctor I was convinced I had to go. I guess miscarrying in the second trimester is considerably more dangerous than when in the first.

Before going Jim gave me a tender blessing. I am so grateful. Then the only paramedic insisted that I be carried down the three flights of stares. I tried to walk but he wouldn’t let me. He made me sit in a chair from Constantine’s apartment and he and Jim carried me backward down the stairs. Then they set me on the pavement outside and had me climb onto a stretcher lying on the ground.

I need not say at this point that nothing here is like in the States. I laid on the MASH stretcher and Jim and the paramedic lifted me onto the floor of the ambulance. Although having pictures would be a painful remembrance I wish I had some because words are insufficient in describing this night. The ambulance was more like an empty van with a bench lining each side. The only sign of anything medical was a strip of gauze hanging from a bar on the ceiling. It was freezing outside and if Amy had not brought a blanket I would have had nothing to cover me. I’m pretty sure the ambulance did not have shocks and I have already described the roads here. We couldn’t help but laugh as we bumped and jerked along. Jim, Leslie, Lena and Amy came. Thankfully Amy’s mom is here and could stay with her girls.

At the hospital I climbed onto another stretcher and was wheeled through the corridors. I felt like I was in some strange dream as I watched the ceiling pass by. The hospital is much like everything else here: old, drab, dingy and dirty. They took me into a couple of different rooms to check me out, I guess to make sure I was miscarrying. In a situation like this all dignity is lost. Several nurses and a doctor, Lena to translate, Leslie to oversee and Amy to comfort were all there and I thank Heaven for the last three.

Then they took me to the surgery room. They asked if I wanted general or local antisthetic. Leslie insisted on local. I cannot begin to describe the room but I’ll give it my best shot. It was small and they weren’t going to let anyone in with me. Thankfully Leslie insisted. I wouldn’t have made it without her. There was a steel table and steel stirrups. Leslie compared it afterward to some torturing contraption you see in movies. There was nothing covering the table, not even a sheet. There were a couple of tables and a bright light. I climbed onto the table and they proceeded. I’m not sure if you have to wait for a while after administering local anesthetic for it to set in. I know in a dentist office the doctor waits for a several minutes after a shot so as the patient is sufficiently numb before he starts his work. In this case the doctor did not wait and I’m pretty sure I felt every shot, scrape and pull. When she finally finished she stuck me with an I.V. for antibiotics. I’m not sure why but at this point my hands contorted and I couldn’t move them. Leslie told me later that what is usually diluted to eight ounces they put directly into my vein in a couple of cc’s. Leslie kept a close eye on everything and assured me afterward that the equipment was sterile and the doctor was thorough. I am so glad I passed the baby before we left for the hospital so I could see it’s small body and tiny little arms and legs.

The surgery instruments being sterile is not an indication of the rest of the hospital. Then they moved me into a community room with five other patients and beds. Ocsana had arrived by now. She cried with me and then worked a bit of her magic to get me a private room. Poor thing. She is so worried. I think I’ve pretty much managed to turn everyone’s world here upside down. After Ocsana called emergency she called the Nadia, the director. This was at one in the morning.

I forgot to mention that in these socialist hospitals the patients provides all their own supplies they are also free. There are definitely trade offs in this system. I didn’t have to pay for anything but my supplies but I paid in other ways.

When I left the operating room they asked Leslie for something to use as a pad. I didn’t know at the time but someone had brought a sheet from Constantine’s apartment. They tore this in strips and used that. Later when we expressed concern at ruining his sheet she said it was ok. It was from the orphanage. Oh dear, I hope it was clean.

When they put me in my room they said we would need to provide our own change of sheets. There also was no toilet paper or soap in the bathroom. Ocsana ran downstairs and pounded on the door of the hospital store waking someone up to get some pads and water. Then they told us visitors must bring their own slippers of wear bags over their shoes when visiting. Again we couldn’t help but laugh.

At four a.m. everyone decided to go home. I couldn’t bear to be alone and insisted that Amy stay. We lay down on our brick beds with cat hair on the sheets and tried to sleep but the room was so cold. I slept some but poor Amy didn’t have any blankets on her bed. They were insisting on keeping me for at least a couple of days. After that night I was sure I would die if I had to stay.

Later a nurse came for a urine sample. She gave me a bottle with a small opening. When I finished she took it with her bare hands. The head doctor also came. She had three other doctors with her. One held a hand towel. After the doctor would touch me she would wipe her hand on the towel. She assured me first she spoke a little English. Then she said, “I want to touch your mamas,” indicating she wanted to examine my breasts. She asked Amy to leave while she took my blood pressure, in both arms.

Constantine brought Lena and Ocsana later. Ocsana managed to arrange to do the girl’s passports without me being present. Amy went with her to Dnipropotrovsk to help with Liuba and Karina. Liuba asked Amy when she got in the car if I was alive.

If we were going to be in the hospital for the day we needed some things to do. Constantine became the “gofor” boy. Lena even asked him to buy me pads. When he came back with them he flapped his arms indicating he had gotten some with wings. Then he reenacted his trip to the store to buy them. He was very kind and caring. He expressed his sympathy and was insistent I not carry anything. He brought me my antibiotic and thoroughly instructed me in how to take it.

The doctor wanted me to spend another night but agreed to let me go home today. Good thing as I was prepared to go to desperate measure to get out fast. Ocsana and Lena arranged for official documents to be prepared to take home to my doctor stating everything they had done and given me. That will be ready next week.

I’m not trying to make fun or light of the hospital or staff here. Although the hospital and equipment are inferior at best to those in the states the doctors and nurses were very kind and attentive. It was obvious they did everything in their power to help me. I am grateful for their care in this horrible situation.

While something like this is very painful and hard to understand it is clear I was being provided for by a loving and caring Heavenly Father. The fact that Leslie is a nurse and could be my advocate, that Jim was here to give me a blessing, Ocsana working her miracles, Lena to translate, Amy’s mom to watch the kids, Constantine to run errands and all them to be friends. And most comforting to me was having Amy available in this horrific time of need to take care of needs other than physical. If this had to happen now in this strange place I could not have been surrounded by more loving and caring people.
Interesting I’ve been working so hard to get these kids and myself out of this dismal place and now I’m leaving a piece of me here.