What do you do when five kids want to sit by you at once? It worked with three, one on the lap and one on each side. It’s a little hard to explain to the original three that the most recent two need a turn, too.

My neighbor asked me the other day if I felt overwhelmed. I pondered for a minute and said no. I was still in shock. Only a few minutes later when, “mom, mom,” was coming from five different direction I determined I was officially overwhelmed.

When I had three yelling, “mom, mom, mom” at one time I could at least understand them and be understood. It’s a whole different ball game when mom is followed by what sounds like, “blah, blah, blah.” Following my hospital experience I developed an anxiety surrounding the Russian language, especially when spoken by middle age women. I’m trying really hard not to let that happen with the girls.

Lucy, never too far from Preston's side.

Having just recently come from Ukraine and feeling the frustration that comes with not understanding a word I can only imagine what these girls feel. I at least knew my visit was temporary. I wondered if there was anyone they would miss or if they would be homesick. My question was answered the other day when both Lucy and Karina sobbed for over an hour. I asked them what was wrong and they pointed to a picture of a boy in their class and cried harder. This was no fake cry either, it was a heart wrenching, inconsolable cry.

Lucy came upstairs the other morning very upset. She explained to me through her tears what was wrong. Something about Karina Sotnikova, not Karina Mary Bunch. Internet, not America. I asked, “Karina Ukraine, not America?” “Da, Da.” Karina likes to provoke Lucy. Lucy wanted me send Karina back to the orphanage in Ukraine. When I told her no she ran out and slammed the door.

I’m not sure the average American looks forward to the daily retrieval of mail. But to these two girls it’s like Christmas everyday. How are we so lucky to get magazines and postcards nearly everyday? And the phone ringing couldn’t be more exciting. Lucy answered the phone one day. I was ok with that since it was a sales call. “Blah, blah, blah,” uproarious laughter, then “Lucy Liuba Bunch.” It didn’t take long for the person to hang up. How often do you get hung up on by a sales person?

Karina getting her ears pierced. Lucy had hers done when she was here in the fall.

I had a hard time getting started today. Lucy could see I was upset. A few minutes later I heard dishes clattering in the kitchen. I took a peek. She was cleaning the kitchen. She washed the dishes, wiped the counters and swept the floor. I gave her a big hug and told her thank you. She must’ve liked that. She went through the entire upstairs straightening up. She even folded the laundry. Every few minutes she came in my room for a hug and a thank you. She did the dishes and swept twice today. I know as a mom you’re not supposed to have favorites and I’m not saying I do but today Lucy and I were friends.

We’ve had a few rough nights. I’m not sure what time the girls went to bed in the orphanage but they are definitely not accustomed to retiring while it’s light. When I say “Shpat” I inevitably get, “no, mom. Utra.” Meaning it’s light, with a finger pointed to a window. But, one thing I’m good at. That is recognizing my threshold. It’s really better for everyone involved if we not cross that. We’ve had more than one talk about not saying, “no, mom.” Instead, we say, “ok, mom.” I haven’t gotten through yet. Do you think I ever will?

Do you think they want long hair. These wigs were gifts from the Rast girls. They wore them all day, including to a dance recital.

Preston and Lucy have established a truce. If she kisses softly he usually doesn’t complain. If Lucy is coming at him and he really can’t take it he says, “no kisses” and holds up his hands. They like to play the “I love you” game. Lucy starts with, “I love you, Preston.” Preston says, “I love you, too.” They go back and forth several times. Lucy has become reconciled to the fact that Preston loves more than just her. On the way home from the airport she started to sob. I asked what was wrong and she said, “Preston liub lu Karina.” Preston had told Karina he loved her. I did the best I could at explaining it was ok. He still loved Lucy. She quieted down after that.

Remember the swollen cheek? Well we scheduled and emergency visit at the dentist office and guess what? The tooth had fallen out. I didn't even know. I looked that one time and didn't look again. It must've fallen out in the orphanage. No wonder the swelling went away. I guess our prayers were answered.

Preston donning Lucy's gift from the dentist.

The dentist office was a bit tramatic. All they did was take a few xrays of Lucy's mouth. I wonder if she's ever been to the dentist. There weren't any other immediate problems so we decided to wait a couple of months until she can understand a little more. There were a few tears but a toy from a special box cheered her right up. As we were leaving she even threw out an, "I love you" and blew a kiss.

As you can see we’re trying to call Liuba, Lucy. We’re having a hard time. I thought if I write her as Lucy I will become more used to it.

This is the blog I began on the night of my miscarriage.

Another day of waiting. I seriously questioned whether I would survive. We started at seven, driving to Novomoskov, an hour away. Strangely, the driving doesn’t even bother me anymore. There were several times Lena, my interpreter, screamed. I wasn’t even phased.

We waited only a few minutes for Liuba’s birth certificate. Ocsana made a trip to the City registers office yesterday so we had a head start. I thought it would be an all day process so this gave me hope we would finish sooner than I expected.

Bad expectation. After Novomoskov, Lena and I switched drivers leaving Ocsana with George to do other work. We then drove to Tomakivkov for Karina’s Certificate. I asked Lena as we walked in if we would be long. “No.” She said.

Thus, I wasn’t prepared for the four-hour wait. They had never done an adoption before. The worst part was after thirty minutes the only thing we were waiting for was the register person to figure out how to align the words on the document. The words were printing below the line and this wasn’t acceptable.

I could tell by the size of the town this was not a place I wanted to use the restroom. I was determined to wait but after three hours I thought I couldn’t. I asked for the toilet and was directed outside. “You have got to be kidding me.” I thought. An outhouse. And not only that, it was a squatter to boot. Turns out I could wait, after all.

We waited for another hour. Lena turned to me and said, “civilization hasn’t touched this part of the Ukraine.” Finally they figured out how to make their computer align and we were off to Dnipropotrovsk.

At this point I was told that Ocsana had made arrangements for me to start the girl’s passports today if we could make it to the office. This meant I wouldn’t have to wait over the weekend and holiday and I would be three days closer. Our chances were next to none because we took hours longer than we expected in Tomakivkov. To make matter worse we got stuck in a traffic jam in Dnipro. We met George and Ocsana with only minutes to spare. George raced to the office {he’s really good at that}. Ocsana barely waited for him to come to a stop before she took off.

Have you ever seen a woman sprint at full speed in four-inch heels, in the rain, over a Ukrainian sidewalk? It was a sight to behold. I never cease to be amazed by this red-headed fireball. My stomach turned as I waited. Would she make it? She came back with a victorious look on her face. She explained earlier someone told her if she got there by six they would help her, even though they closed at five. She said the door was locked when she got there but it was only two minutes to six so she pounded on the door and was finally let in. What she won’t do.

Irina and Oleg picked us up at 3:30 a.m. to go to the airport. It was bright enough as we left Kiev that I could see the landscape. I couldn’t believe I was leaving. Nearly six weeks ago I wondered what in the world I was doing and thought it would never end. I was homesick for my kids and home while I was still packing to go. I never expected I would feel the way I did as I left. I’m sure it was a combination of all that happened since my arrival. I did not expect it to be such an intimate and life changing experience.

There are many things I will miss, primarily the people. There are many things I will not miss, primarily the dirtiness and other people. Like the man we were detained by at customs, he did it on purpose. Even after our names were called several times on the intercom he still took his sweet time. He even had a smirk on his face. I thought we would miss our flight for sure. We would have if the flight attendant hadn’t come looking for us. I was sad to be leaving but I also didn’t want to stay for even one more day.

Irena and Oleg dropping us off at the airport.

Liuba, Lena and Karina were seated together on the plane. I was out as soon as the plane took off. When I woke up Melba told me the girls had ordered coffee for breakfast. I didn’t even know I had food in front of me, let alone they drank coffee. Oh dear.

Liuba had been saving her gryvnas and kopecs for days. When we got to Germany she wanted to buy something. She was a little dismayed to discover her money was no good here. Liuba’s pockets were always bulging with trinkets, gadgets and kopecs. She set off the alarms at security in Germany. We waited for probably five minutes for her to empty and reload her pockets, all that saving for nothing. Once we landed in Chicago she asked for her ten American dollars. I’m afraid we won’t be following through with that ritual in the States.

Liuba refilling her pockets after security.

We were hungry when we got to Chicago and stopped for a snack. I asked what they wanted. They chose a banana and chips. I asked if they wanted a muffin. It was unrecognizable and they said no. Poor things. Nothing looks the same, sounds the same or tastes the same. They are in for a big change. And having just come from that same situation I can totally empathize.

Other than the coffee and a fist fight between Liuba and Karina over the air somewhere between Colorado and SLC our day was uneventful, though very long.

I hardly know how to feel about finally being home. I feel so dazed but so happy. Thanks to everyone who came to the airport. It was so good to see all of you. And thank you so much for all of your support and prayers. We couldn’t have survived without them. Spacibo, spacibo, spacibo.

We’re home now but before I write about that I have a couple of blogs I wasn’t able to finish. For my own memory I want to finish them. I will start where I left off.

While we were waiting to legalize documents at the Ministry of Justice Irina took the kids to begin their medical exams. When we finished Oleg rushed us to the medical department to meet them.

I’m not sure I have ever experienced the chaos that I did on this day. You know those documentary/educational movies on ants. Some how a camera gets inside the nest and all the viewer sees is ants everywhere going in ever direction, crawling over one another to get where they need to go. And yet in that confusion there is order, nearly impossible for the viewer to see. There are soldiers, workers, nursery ants, eggs and of course, the queen. And the whole point is family increase. Every ant must do their part. It is a fine balance. But lurking somewhere nearby is the accursed anteater threatening complete destruction. If there is one wrong move…

I’m not sure what role everyone played. I do know that Oleg and Irina know and work the system like the back of their hands. They seem to be everywhere at once, striking chords at just the right moment, the model of perfection. My presence is only for looks and an occasional signature. I learned early on to give up any pretenses of control. To go and do what you are told as quickly and cooperatively as possible is your best hope of success and happiness when adopting in Ukraine. It is the only way to avoid the anteater. I never figured out exactly who or what the predator was. Probably it had many aliases. I only knew it was ever present and lurking, hungry for a tasty meal of Americans and orphans. Thankfully the crew proved to be more than competent and I felt completely comfortable placing full confidence in them.

People selling veggies and other items on the streets of Kiev.

In order to get visas the girls had to have a medical exam. The medical center was a step up from the hospital I was obliged to visit. Apparently it serves only foreigners. So they put their best foot forward. Still, that foot was not covered with a stiletto but rather something more like a flip flop.

Right when I walked in Irina ushered the girls and me into the doctor’s office. Almost right away I discerned the doctor possessed the same personality as nearly all of the other authorities and officials we have worked with. From what I have experienced, which certainly isn’t much, the average Ukrainian is abrupt and intimidating, yet kind and wise at heart.

Her manner intimidated and frustrated me right away. These kids have been told their whole lives they are stupid and no one wants them. It makes me so angry. This doctor was no exception. But when you stop to consider it is obvious these authority figures are not trying to be mean. In fact, they care. Still, they speak their minds freely with no consideration to another’s feelings.

When I walked in she pointed me to a chair and proceeded to look over the girls’ medical records {all handwritten in notebooks.} I assumed she didn’t speak English. Let me just say right here that this is a very BAD assumption to make. This assumption put me in more than one sticky situation. When she finished she looked up and explained in fairly good English that she needed chest ex-rays to check for TB but everything else seemed fine.

The escalator leading to the subway. It is three stories down.

She stood up to begin the medical exam and then asked me if I had children at home. When I told her three she looked at me hard and barked, “That is not enough?” My blood instantly boiled. Who was she to say something like that to me. I told her no. I wanted these, too. She didn’t like that answer. Just in the nick of time Oleg’s head appeared in the door and he whisked me off to make signatures and payments.

When I went back in she had softened somewhat. She sat me down again and proceeded to give me a lecture. I also had time to simmer and decided to listen to what she had to say. Surely there would be something of value.

Notice the carpet. This is the first carpet I've seen here.

In her broken English this is what I got. She began by telling me that this is a very bad time to adopt. She doesn’t recommend it. {It’s a little late for that.} She said when young children are upset they throw a fit. “Blah, blah, blah.” But the next day they are fine. Kids this age hold things inside but they don’t forget. You never know what they are thinking. Then she told me her father remarried when she was this age and it was very hard for her. From what I understand she didn’t bond well with her new mother. Then she said these kids have no foundation. They are raised in an institution with no father and mother. They don’t have firm understanding of right and wrong. She said you must be firm but not too firm. She held up her hands indicating there is a narrow passage for proper discipline. She said in the states there is too much freedom. Kids don’t learn respect for their parents and others.

In the end she told me she thought I was crazy and wished me luck. Not a bad lecture, if I had to be lectured. I must admit I am becoming quite a pro at being on the other end of them.

From the medical center we went back to the Department of Justice, to the Embassy and back to the medical center. Oleg and Irina were only slightly frazzled by the end of the day. I was dazed enough to not recognize any of the buildings when we made our return trips to them. In fact I didn’t even realize I was in the Dept. of Justice building until after I walked in and sat down. Maybe it was the lack of the sardine effect. This time it was empty of people.

On the train.

The apartments in Kiev’s city center were occupied so we stayed on the other side of the river. To date it was the nicest apartment I’ve been in. Too bad it was the last. The adults went to the market and left the kids at home. With them we left eight bananas and four apples. When we came back they were gone. You cannot believe the way they eat fruits and vegetables.

The bathroom on the train. What I wouldn't give for even an airplane lavratory.

Yana was able to spend our last day in Kiev with us. She arrived in the morning. The kids were still sleeping. I rubbed Karina’s foot to wake her up. She opened her eyes and jumped out of bed in the same breath. She adores her sister. When Yana left that night Karina would not let go of her. Oh, it was so sad. Yana hugged and kissed me twice. I assured her Karina would keep in touch. Karina woke up in the middle of that night crying for her sister.

All we had to do on our last day was visit the Embassy twice; once in the morning to drop off passports and sign some things and then in the afternoon to make more signatures, pick up visas and immigration paperwork.

When we came out of the Embassy Oleg told the girls we were successful in getting their visas. Liuba through her arms in the air and cried, “victory” and said something about America. All the girls jumped up and down passing out high fives and hugs. They were going to America. I wish I had my video camera.

Amy and I wanted to say goodbye to Ocsana and since we were staying near where she lives we spent the evening at her apartment. I got to meet her two boys. They are adorable. Every question I asked her six year old in Russian he proudly answered in English. So cute. Her four year old was the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen with curly blond hair and blue eyes. Oleg and Ocsana have struggled with him. He was normal until he was two and then over the course of a year he digressed back to and infant state. He is autistic and Ocsana is convinced it is due to immunizations. She has him on a special diet and thankfully he is improving.

In Ukraine there is next to no hope for a person with special needs. There are no programs or schools to help. They are scorned and shunned. To be called retarded or crazy is the worst insult a person could receive. It is heartbreaking. The kids at the orphanage were always calling each other crazy. They would point their finger to their temple and twist it. The person inflicting the insult laughed but the insulted did not think it was funny. Their lips smiled but their eyes showed obvious hurt.

I cannot say enough nice things about Ocsana. She puts her whole heart into these adoptions and is absolutely amazing. {Sorry to embarrass you if you’re reading but I have to say it :}

P.S. Aunt Lana, you should feel honored. Irina is great just like you.

How fitting that my last blog in Ukraine will begin with the tale of my last night train. I said I was beginning to become fond of the train… I lied. If you have to travel long distances it is not a bad way to go. Sleeping makes the hours pass by quickly, that is if you can sleep. I took a sleeping pill and still I woke up with every stop and every time we crossed rough track {kind of like turbulence on an airplane}. As the train jerked and swayed back and forth I wondered what it would be like to die in a train crash. I came to the conclusion it may be an unpleasant death. Now, bleeding to death… It’s funny what comes to mind in the middle of the night. I don’t think it helped that we were in the last bunk of the last car of the train. It seemed to be a little more bouncy than the middle. Sort of like being in the last car of a roller coaster {or American Mountain, as they call it here.}

That was a long ride, fifteen hours. It didn’t help that it was stifling. When the train started a man closed the window across the hall. Who was he to close our window? I quickly opened it. A few minutes later the same man came storming back. This time he was wearing short shorts and topless, with swear dripping down his hairy chest. He shook his finger at us. The tone of his voice told us he was scolding. Melba fanned her face. That didn’t work. The language barrier card works nicely in cases like this, which in this culture happens quite often. We threw our hands in the air, shook our heads, saying, “Ya nie pani myo.” He did soften to this and proceeded to explain there was air conditioning but we wouldn’t feel it with the window open. I may not have learned Russian in this short amount of time but I have become quite proficient in the language of pantomime. This time we left the window closed as much to stay cool as to not to be on the other end of another lecture.

Do to the last minute arrangements we were unable to secure bunks in the same compartments. Last time this happened Ocsana was there. She pulled from her hat of tricks one of her many masterpieces, complete with a frown and pleading and teary eyes. Needless to say she was successful in getting the other passengers to trade us bunks. We didn’t even have to bribe with our prepared gyvnas. This time we were on our own. Luckily one of the passengers spoke English.

One thing I admire about Ukrainian culture is their respect for elders. For example, if a child is sitting on a bus and a babushka is standing someone will tell the child to stand so the other can sit. Melba was determined to sleep on a top bunk. When she marched in there to prepare her bunk the other passenger’s jaws dropped. They were not going to stand for that. Sarah was there helping her and they gave her a lecture fit to be heard, in any language. She could not let her babushka climb up there. Sarah did her best not to let her but Melba wouldn’t have it. This woman is determined to have make the most of her “once in a lifetime” adventure.

We had to pack all of our luggage to Crimea since we wouldn’t be going back to Dniprodzerzhynsk. In all we had seven suitcases and six big bags. There were seven of us going back to Kiev but I am a handicap. I am not supposed to lift and even if I try, Sarah will not allow it. We were a sight. Two women, four kids, and a babushka struggling down the platform, up the stairs and through the train station. What a relief to find Oleg and Irina waiting to whisk us away to the Ministry of Justice {I think that is what it is called.} Unfortunately, Irina parked illegally. I didn’t know what was happening at first. All I could discern was Irina, with her most pleasant smile, talking to an officer. I asked Sveta, our translator for the day, what was going on. She explained what Irina had done, that her attempts at negotiation had failed and that she was being ticketed.

Irina… It’s hard to find words to describe her. Every time I try, I think of my Aunt Lana. She can be a bit prickly if you touch her in the wrong place but once you get past that you find a heart of gold and mush. Shed a tear or ask her about her son and she’ll cuddle you like a cat. She has been very tender and protective with me. Yesterday she caught me crying and quickly hugged me and kissed my cheek. She’s such a dear, as long as you’re not late or didn’t forget your passport. I have learned to do what I am told, quickly and quietly. When she says, “Julee sit.” I sit.

We went to lunch with her son a couple of weeks ago. She is so proud of him, and rightly so. He is a bright kid. Our Ukrainian team call him the African toe-head. He has a strawberry blonde afro. Today he is taking two of his college entrance exams. If he does well he will get a scholarship and go to the school of his choice. From what I understand this is similar to the States except that the scholarship comes from the government.

Sorry to get side tracked. I can’t help it. I have become very fond of these people. I don’t want to forget them and I want to help you get to know them. As this blog serves me as a journal and you as an update center, there is no better place.

Back to the Ministry of Justice… First and foremost we waited. Oleg and Irina were here, there and everywhere doing their magnificent things. Then Ocsana called. Oleg was in line and wanted us to find him. Ok. Imagine worming your way through a can of sardines and your will see us trying to find Oleg. There was a narrow hallway, the can, and many, many people, the sardines. Oleg was somewhere in the middle. One thing I’ve realized. What we Americans call personal space doesn’t exist here. We form a single file line so as not to touch anyone else.
I’ll have to finish later. Off to the embassy again.

At the dolphinarium.


If a beach is rocky you can always stand to sunbathe.

An excursion in the Black Sea.



Sarcastic Lena

Monument of Lenin is Yalta.



Karina and Natashia.
We went to the dolphinarium at the sanitorium.  Nothing is ever the way I expect it to be.  My expectations are according to my American experience.  When I here "Dolphin Show" I think Sea World.  Not exactly.  The show was indoors in what was probably a 50 meter pool with three or four dolphins.
There is a youth summer camp here that had booked a show.  They didn't allow other guests.  So we missed the show but we were able to go in and see the dolphins after.  The variety of smells I have experienced here has been unequaled.  I had the priviledge of adding to that collection yesterday at the dolphinarium.
I've been wondering what a sanitorium is.  The name alone makes me want to stear clear but they are very popular here.  We asked what you do there and if we could go for a day but Natashia says you need to spend a week there to really benefit.  You need to breath the air and drink the water at least that long.  You can also have mineral baths.  The sanitorium yesterday was essentially a big park with a lot of trees.  It was quiet and beautiful.  From the look and feel it is just a place to detox from the world.  They come from Russia.
Karina came and told me Liuba was crying last night.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong but I hugged and kissed her.  Then I told the girls goodnight and went to bed.  It wasn't five minutes later that I hear a wailing sob coming from Karina.  It sounded very fake and I didn't want to encourage that behavior by giving attention to it.  But when she didn't stop after several minutes I went out to see what was wrong.  I figured she is at the least starved for attention, poor thing.  Liuba translated for me that she misses her sister, Yana.  How sad!  I invited Yana to spend two days with us in Kiev before we leave but she can't come.  She is studying for exams.  Karina talked to her for quite awhile on the phone today and seems to feel better.
Remember those sport clothes we bought for the girls.  Liuba is dying to wear hers.  I am trying to keep it clean for the flights home and haven't let her.  She begged me all morning, "please, mom, costuma, pajayiusta!"  I keep telling her its for the plane ride and to stop saying, "mama, please!  Mama, pajayiusta!"  She hasn't given up yet.  Neither have I.
We're right around the corner from coming home.  It makes me so anxious, so I try not to think about it.  For some reason I think if I don't think about something I will be pleasantly surprised when it comes around.  But I miss my sweet kiddos so bad and can't wait to see them!

Melba's turn.








Fishing, anyone?

A babooshka feeding the pidgeons.

Notice the conjoined twins.

In Dniprodzerzhynsk the same thing happened everyday (except when it didn't, I guess.) Here in Crimea the days vary and the scenery is beautiful. Sights for sore eyes.

The kids love it here. We are in a small town and they can roam at will. The allotment of money that worked so well in Dnipro has worked out great here. They get 10 Gryvnas a day ($1.25). I haven't been begged from even once. Sometimes they want an advance and that's ok, they just get less the next day. Usually they buy silly toys and trinckets. The shop owners here are very friendly with us. When they see anyone from our party walk by they come to the front and offer a kind greeting. I think we have provided a small boost to their suffering economy.

The exchange rate is down from what it was when we first arrived. We wonder what is going on at home to cause this. It's strange to think there is life outside of Ukraine and orphans. When I here about garden planting (thanks so much everyone at home for planting mine), work and play at home... well, I'm just not sure how to feel about it. I feel like I've been away for so long and so much has happened. I feel like I'm in a different world. I feel homesick and then I wonder if home even exists. We're on the countdown and then a whole new adjustment begins.

Lena, another translator and Natashia's roommate, joined us here in Crimea. She wanted to spend more time with us before we went home. It doesn't take very long to become attached to and love other people. I hope to get those two to the States in the not too distant future and find them some good and honest men to settle down with.

We spent the day yesterday in an around Yalta. First we went to a palace/museum. The last Tzar from the Soviet Union lived there when he came to Yalta. It was also the meeting place of Roosevelt, Stallin and during World War II. From what I understood this is when the U.S. decided to join the war.

It's such a neat feeling to stand where so much history has taken place and to consider the implications and results. The girls didn't get the same feeling. They wanted to leave. There are moments when I feel peace and that everything will be okay. Usually this is when one of the girls gives me a hug and tells me they love me. This was not one of those times. "Oh dear!" I thought. "What have I gotten myself into?" The other day Amy told Lena she had to turn off the TV in ten minutes. She frowned and said in the orphanage they didn't have to go to bed until midnight. The adults all laughed. I wonder if there will be times when they wish they could go back and we would send them if we could. I'm sure there will be many.

But these girls are so sweet. They are kids of course and act accordingly. But there is something different about them, too. Maybe it is their sense of community. They have little to no experience in family life but they care deeply for one another. They rarely fight and usually make sure the others are ok. Yesterday I had a crying fit. When Sarah noticed she immediately came over, kissed me and wrapped her arms around me. Then she got Karina's attention. From her gestures and tone I got that she was telling Karina her mama was crying. Karina quickly came over and hugged me for at least five minutes, speaking softly and sweetly. They are also affectionate with one another. They hold hands and lay on each other and they always share whatever they have.

After the palace we went to a public square near the pier. It was so beautiful. I know I have read about the historical significance of Yalta in some book but no matter how I try I cannot put my finger on it. At any rate being at the Black Sea makes me want to go home and study up on the history here.

As we were walking along the peir we passed what looked like a setting out of a movie with a bunch of fancy clothing.  When we asked Lena she said people pay to dress up and pose for pictures.  She wondered if we wanted to.  No!!  Then she laughed and insisted we do it.  We persisted but in the end she won saying it would be her gift to us.  Oh my goodness!  When we were finished the girls wanted their turn.  

Natashia told us the cheapest way to eat here was to hire a cook.  We wondered but after trying it we discovered that it is nearly equal to cooking ourselves.  I don't know if my taste buds have changed since I am no longer pregnant or if the food is growing on me but our meals have been delicious.  I have quite a few new ideas to add to our menu when I get home.  I'm not sure how my family will feel about it, especially Luke and Preston.

Lena informed us last night that she had signed us up for dancing lessons.  The girl would not take no for an answer.  So we were off for Samba lessons.  There were seven of us in the class with a man woman as teachers.  Lena and Natashia have got the moves down.  They dance two or three times a week.    I haven't laughed so hard for a very long time.  I was reminded why I didn't dance much as a child.  That was twice in one day Lena enforced her will for her own peasure.  We are plotting revenge.

I am having a hard time attaching photos.  You'll have to take what you can get.

Brave Melba



Tinfoil wrappings



Our accordian player



They put matchbox covers on their noses and they had to get them off without their hands.
The girls love to drink tea.  Apparently they drink it a lot in the orphanage.  Their are plenty of herbal options but they prefer black tea.  I've heard it is common for these kids to go through withdrawals.  Yesterday Karina ordered and got herbal tea and asked why it wasn't black.  Also yesterday we didn't have tea and Natashia made them stawberry jam tea.  It was just what it sounds like.  After Karina finished the bottle of jam with a spoon.
Karina... The girl is sweet as can be.  She always is giving hugs and cuddles.  But when she wants something she will not accept no for an answer.  I'm not sure she understands the meaning of the word.  She doesn't usually carry on or pout she just keeps doing what she wants.  Today she took Liuba's toy from her.  No amount of coaxing from me or Liuba would pursuade her to give it back.
Communication is getting a little better.  The girls both still talk at me constantly but they are trying a little harder to make themselves understood with a few English words and gestures.  While I love having Natashia with us it introduces a handicap.  There isn't the incentive there that otherwise would be.
I am constantly amazed by what these kis eat.  They love vergetables and are always eating them plain and in salads.  Last night Karina ate a heaping plate of salad (cucumbers, tomatoes and radishes with fennil and oil).  Today Liuba did the same.
We took an excursion in the sea.  Natashia said it is called the black sea because it turns black in a storm.  Today was very green and beautiful.  I feel like I am living in a picture.  We are immediately surrounding by close and confined streets but in the distance are picturesque hills and mountains.
Times out in the internet cafe.  More tomorrow...

My internet card doesn't work here in Crimea. Fortunately there is an internet cafe down the road from our house. I hope to be able to post often but am not sure it will be everyday.

We are staying a couple of blocks from the coast. It is beautiful here, a nice change from Dniprodzerzhynsk. There are vineyards and narrow winding streets. I feels Mediterranean.

Anyone who know me knows I do not deal well with spiders, although I have gotten better with the years. Last night before going to bed we turned on the light and found two scorpions. Thankfully Melba is made of tough stuff. She got them without even a flinch. Then we went into the bedroom and found three spiders. What would I do without her? Natashia asked the owner today about the scorpion. He assured us they aren't poisonous. Hmmm. I don't think I'll take any chances.  But hey, that might be the perfect ending to this adventure of mine.  You know in the movies, just when you think things couldn't get worse, they do...

Today is Liuba's birthday. When I picked her up from the orphanage one of the first things she told me was that her birthday was on Tuesday. She wanted a birthday party with presents, cake and ice cream. She has been talking about it nonstop. Natashia managed to find a place that does birthday parties. It is right next door to where we live.

We spent the morning buying birthday presents. We told the girls they needed to buy small things because we don't have much room. They came back with a plethora of gifts. Wrapping was more a problem. But Melba being the wonderful and creative person that she is thought of the tinfoil I brought from America. Perfect!

It ended up being a first-rate party. From moment we walked into the door until the moment we left we were fed and entertained. We were greeted by an accordian player and before we could enter the girls had to guess what they were eating for lunch. Then in order to go upstairs to eat we had to say nice things about Liuba, one compliment per stair. My favorite was from Karina who said Liuba needs to obey her mom. Funny coming from Karina since the girl does not obey herself.

Natashia thought is was fitting for Liuba to eat shishkabob (sp?) for her birthday so that was what she ordered. We ate, sang, danced, played games, opened presents and had cake and ice cream. When they asked me if I wanted ice cream and cake I said yes. What is a birthday without cake and ice cream? It must not be customary here. They served ice cream alone, played some games and then had birthday cake.

I have never experienced a birthday quite like this. When I can post pictures you will understand why. It was great!

Thanks to all of you for your out pouring of love and support. It is helpul to have so many of you caring and praying for me. Until now I have not understood completely the emotions that come with something like this.  Now in one more aspect I can more fully understand the lot of womanhood. This has been very hard for me. I know in the end everything will turn out but that doesn't make it hurt any less right now.  One thing right now I find comfort in is having Melba, Amy and her girls here to help me with me and mine.  

I picked up the girls today. They were ready and waiting when we got there, back packs in tow. They had to wait several days longer than they expected due to the abrupt change in circumstances. I really haven’t been up to bringing them home any sooner. We took a quick tour of the building where they sleep and eat. They wanted pictures with all their friends.

It was so hard to watch them say goodbye to everyone. Their dorm mothers cried and hugged them tight. They were very affectionate with their friends. I’ve made several friends at the orphanage myself and I felt so sad to leave them. I wonder what will become of them. They hugged me and told me goodbye.

As we left the kids stuck their arms and heads out the window waving and yelling goodbye. I couldn’t help but cry. I wonder how they feel knowing their friends are being taken to America to become a part of a family. I wonder if they think something is wrong with them and wonder why they weren’t chosen. It breaks my heart.

Liuba and Karina were so excited to go “da doma.” We didn’t have much time as Constantine and George were coming to take us to the train station. I gave them a quick bath, dressed them in fresh cloths and we were off.

I have never had such a mild ride with George. He requested that I go in his car. Everyone here clearly out to help and look out for me. Even the kids at the orphanage were extra tender and sweet. I found out after the fact that Nadia called the hospital when I was there and told them I was a VIP American. Apparently the head doctor that checked on me is her friend. If I am a VIP I can’t imagine what the average patient must endure.

The whole time I have been in Dniprodzerzhynsk I have been so anxious to leave, counting down the days and finding reasons to get away. But since my loss the other night the thought of going leaves me with a heavy heart. I could not leave without feeling like I was leaving something behind. Leaving the apartment, driving through the town and past the hospital was very difficult and emotional. I take with me my two girls but I leave a precious part of me. This is something I never expected to happen here in Ukraine. It is such a strange mix of emotions; blessings and happiness partnered with grief and sadness. My heart is very heavy.

We bade farewell to George and Constantine at the train station. I didn’t expect to feel so sad to leave them. It’s interesting how you can become attached to the people who surround and help you when experiencing life changes.
I with my girls, Amy, her girls and mom and Natashia and her nephew are going to Crimia for this week of waiting for passports. We will go to Kiev on Sunday and do Embassy and medical on Monday and Tuesday and hopefully be on our way home on Wed. I will travel home with Amy and company. I am so grateful to not be alone. I don’t know how I would do this without her. Her mom has also been a huge help. They have been a tender mercy.

I will post pictures tomorrow. We are on the train and the internet is very slow.

This is a hard one to write. I really debated writing it at all. But I’m sure you are all wondering what is going on and this is the easiest way to let everyone know.

I guess having six children this year was not meant to be. I lost the baby last night. When I told Emi, Luke and Preston in the beginning that we were going to have baby they were so excited. I too was looking forward to having a new little one. So, for all of us this feels like a great loss. But we trust in the Lord and His compensating blessings.

Setting my personal feelings and emotional state aside… I don’t want to go into gory details but I also want to tell about this experience as it is unlike anything I have ever experienced or hope to experience again. Warning, this is slightly graphic.

With the sudden onset and amount of blood Amy called Leslie, who is a nurse. Leslie told Ocsana who called emergency. Leslie, Jim and Lena rushed over. I am so glad Leslie was there. She called my doctor in the states to find out what I should do. Everyone wanted me to go to the hospital but after all the horror stories I have heard about hospitals and doctors since being here that is the last thing I wanted to do. After talking to my doctor I was convinced I had to go. I guess miscarrying in the second trimester is considerably more dangerous than when in the first.

Before going Jim gave me a tender blessing. I am so grateful. Then the only paramedic insisted that I be carried down the three flights of stares. I tried to walk but he wouldn’t let me. He made me sit in a chair from Constantine’s apartment and he and Jim carried me backward down the stairs. Then they set me on the pavement outside and had me climb onto a stretcher lying on the ground.

I need not say at this point that nothing here is like in the States. I laid on the MASH stretcher and Jim and the paramedic lifted me onto the floor of the ambulance. Although having pictures would be a painful remembrance I wish I had some because words are insufficient in describing this night. The ambulance was more like an empty van with a bench lining each side. The only sign of anything medical was a strip of gauze hanging from a bar on the ceiling. It was freezing outside and if Amy had not brought a blanket I would have had nothing to cover me. I’m pretty sure the ambulance did not have shocks and I have already described the roads here. We couldn’t help but laugh as we bumped and jerked along. Jim, Leslie, Lena and Amy came. Thankfully Amy’s mom is here and could stay with her girls.

At the hospital I climbed onto another stretcher and was wheeled through the corridors. I felt like I was in some strange dream as I watched the ceiling pass by. The hospital is much like everything else here: old, drab, dingy and dirty. They took me into a couple of different rooms to check me out, I guess to make sure I was miscarrying. In a situation like this all dignity is lost. Several nurses and a doctor, Lena to translate, Leslie to oversee and Amy to comfort were all there and I thank Heaven for the last three.

Then they took me to the surgery room. They asked if I wanted general or local antisthetic. Leslie insisted on local. I cannot begin to describe the room but I’ll give it my best shot. It was small and they weren’t going to let anyone in with me. Thankfully Leslie insisted. I wouldn’t have made it without her. There was a steel table and steel stirrups. Leslie compared it afterward to some torturing contraption you see in movies. There was nothing covering the table, not even a sheet. There were a couple of tables and a bright light. I climbed onto the table and they proceeded. I’m not sure if you have to wait for a while after administering local anesthetic for it to set in. I know in a dentist office the doctor waits for a several minutes after a shot so as the patient is sufficiently numb before he starts his work. In this case the doctor did not wait and I’m pretty sure I felt every shot, scrape and pull. When she finally finished she stuck me with an I.V. for antibiotics. I’m not sure why but at this point my hands contorted and I couldn’t move them. Leslie told me later that what is usually diluted to eight ounces they put directly into my vein in a couple of cc’s. Leslie kept a close eye on everything and assured me afterward that the equipment was sterile and the doctor was thorough. I am so glad I passed the baby before we left for the hospital so I could see it’s small body and tiny little arms and legs.

The surgery instruments being sterile is not an indication of the rest of the hospital. Then they moved me into a community room with five other patients and beds. Ocsana had arrived by now. She cried with me and then worked a bit of her magic to get me a private room. Poor thing. She is so worried. I think I’ve pretty much managed to turn everyone’s world here upside down. After Ocsana called emergency she called the Nadia, the director. This was at one in the morning.

I forgot to mention that in these socialist hospitals the patients provides all their own supplies they are also free. There are definitely trade offs in this system. I didn’t have to pay for anything but my supplies but I paid in other ways.

When I left the operating room they asked Leslie for something to use as a pad. I didn’t know at the time but someone had brought a sheet from Constantine’s apartment. They tore this in strips and used that. Later when we expressed concern at ruining his sheet she said it was ok. It was from the orphanage. Oh dear, I hope it was clean.

When they put me in my room they said we would need to provide our own change of sheets. There also was no toilet paper or soap in the bathroom. Ocsana ran downstairs and pounded on the door of the hospital store waking someone up to get some pads and water. Then they told us visitors must bring their own slippers of wear bags over their shoes when visiting. Again we couldn’t help but laugh.

At four a.m. everyone decided to go home. I couldn’t bear to be alone and insisted that Amy stay. We lay down on our brick beds with cat hair on the sheets and tried to sleep but the room was so cold. I slept some but poor Amy didn’t have any blankets on her bed. They were insisting on keeping me for at least a couple of days. After that night I was sure I would die if I had to stay.

Later a nurse came for a urine sample. She gave me a bottle with a small opening. When I finished she took it with her bare hands. The head doctor also came. She had three other doctors with her. One held a hand towel. After the doctor would touch me she would wipe her hand on the towel. She assured me first she spoke a little English. Then she said, “I want to touch your mamas,” indicating she wanted to examine my breasts. She asked Amy to leave while she took my blood pressure, in both arms.

Constantine brought Lena and Ocsana later. Ocsana managed to arrange to do the girl’s passports without me being present. Amy went with her to Dnipropotrovsk to help with Liuba and Karina. Liuba asked Amy when she got in the car if I was alive.

If we were going to be in the hospital for the day we needed some things to do. Constantine became the “gofor” boy. Lena even asked him to buy me pads. When he came back with them he flapped his arms indicating he had gotten some with wings. Then he reenacted his trip to the store to buy them. He was very kind and caring. He expressed his sympathy and was insistent I not carry anything. He brought me my antibiotic and thoroughly instructed me in how to take it.

The doctor wanted me to spend another night but agreed to let me go home today. Good thing as I was prepared to go to desperate measure to get out fast. Ocsana and Lena arranged for official documents to be prepared to take home to my doctor stating everything they had done and given me. That will be ready next week.

I’m not trying to make fun or light of the hospital or staff here. Although the hospital and equipment are inferior at best to those in the states the doctors and nurses were very kind and attentive. It was obvious they did everything in their power to help me. I am grateful for their care in this horrible situation.

While something like this is very painful and hard to understand it is clear I was being provided for by a loving and caring Heavenly Father. The fact that Leslie is a nurse and could be my advocate, that Jim was here to give me a blessing, Ocsana working her miracles, Lena to translate, Amy’s mom to watch the kids, Constantine to run errands and all them to be friends. And most comforting to me was having Amy available in this horrific time of need to take care of needs other than physical. If this had to happen now in this strange place I could not have been surrounded by more loving and caring people.
Interesting I’ve been working so hard to get these kids and myself out of this dismal place and now I’m leaving a piece of me here.

The sign everywhere asking mothers not to leave their babies.

Compare this home and landscaping in Odessa to my apartment, the typical living conditions.

A stray cat joining us for dinner. So funny since hate is an inferior discription of how Mary feels about cats.

I was wearing my winter coat and still cold. This didn't keep Natashia from the water. She says in Ukraine they believe in oxymorons. If you have a cold, swim in cold water. It will make you better. She had an earache that morning but after her swim it was gone.

Two little boys performing for money on the street.

A wedding celebration. Can you see the bow on the back of the car?

A picture of a classic babooshka selling her wares.

They even had bows on their tales.

I’ve actually gotten so I enjoy the night train, unless my ability to sleep is overcome by some abominable smell. Ocsana came back with us the Dniprodzerzhynsk. She is amazing. The families following us will be grateful to know they couldn’t be in better hands.

Constantine decided that rather than being insistent about not allowing children he would rather have the money. He has really taken good care of us so I cannot complain if he is earning a little money. He said we could stay here with the kids. So I am rooming with Amy, her girls and her mom. I’m so glad to not be alone.

So after Constantine picked us up from the train station he dropped us off at the orphanage while his wife cleaned the apartment. That building is freezing and we were so tired. We curled up on the benches and fell asleep.

The faculty restroom at the orphanage. It has a very unique smell.

The other day Natashia said to me, “Did you ever see that movie Pig’s Day?” “Ground Hog’s Day?” I asked. “Yes. I feel like I’m living it.” She said. We laughed and laughed. I feel like I’m experiencing and writing the same day over and over here in Dniprodzerzhynsk.

The girls were happy to see me yesterday. The first question Luiba asked was when she gets to come “Da moi.” Then Karina asked if we could go to the “magazine.” I’m not sure what they like better, me or the store.

Soderberg’s brought activities for the kids on Tues. Thank Goodness. It was rainy and cold and it was so nice not to have to walk to the store in the rain. We had a great time painting nails and making bracelets.

The girls have been begging me to go swimming and I finally took them today. They had a great time, barring Liuba’s nearly drowning herself and the other girls several times. I realize after being around Lena and Sarah, now clean, how badly my girls stink. Ugh. You know how every house and person has a distinctive smell. There is a smell that comes from the orphanage that cannot be described. Oh, to give them a bath, I hope tomorrow night.

Ocsana and Lena invited us to dinner. And what a dinner it was. We had sushi with wasabi and tempura vegetables. It was heaven.

Today Amy’s girls made us lunch. Oodelolly. They went to the store by themselves and came home with top ramen and meat spread, a combination of bologna, ham and hot dog. We all about lost it.

Tomorrow is a busy day. I have to go with Ocsana to the birthplaces of both girls as well as Dnipropotrovsk for new birth certificates. Depending on how late we get back I will pick up the girls or not. Ocsana picked up my decree from the court yesterday. Today is the tenth day. I never thought it would come. But I’ll still be here for at least a week and a half. Monday is a holiday and I won’t be able to apply for passports until Tuesday. I have to wait five business days after that. Then I go to the Embassy and do the medical check. So as of now the earliest I will be able to come home will be Wednesday the twentieth.

BTW… Liuba’s cheek isn’t swollen anymore and she doesn’t act like it bothers her. Paul, thanks for the suggestions. And thanks to everyone else for your prayers and faith. I am so excited to bring the girls home to meet everyone.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. This is the first dead dog I have seen. The others are very large and healthy.


A babooshka going through the garbage. I don't think they take anything. From what I can tell they are sorting it so it can be burned.