It's amazing how quickly I forget what it was that Karina would do that was so upsetting. Its like being pregnant and sick. You remember you felt miserable but it's not until you are pregnant and sick again that you realize just how miserable it is.
Karina was doing so well. I actually enjoyed being around her. Instead of having to give myself a pep talk and reminding myself to be nice it just came naturally. I was shocked and so relieved. There is an incredibly guilty feeling that comes with dreading the arrival of your child from school. I was so grateful to be able to enjoy her presence and to feel a connection.
Karina is back to her antics. I expected this. It is normal. But I don't feel upset or desperate like I once did. Counseling has helped so much with that. We have a plan in place. I have back up. It is such a blessed relief.
What are Karina's antics? So far this episode has been mild. Pretending to do chores but not doing them or doing just enough to try to fool you, i.e. spraying the toilet but not wiping it. Making many piles of junk. I'm not sure where she gets all of it but she seems to be a garbage magnet. She collects the most random items and then stashes them in random places. We counted ten piles in her bedroom, in the open as well as hidden. Forgetting how to count when she does jumping jacks was another one. Not being ready for school when we leave thus missing school. "Innocently" disrupting family scripture study. Bugging siblings and dogs when I am not in the room. The best part about it is I now know how to handle each of these scenarios and I don't feel angry.
We talked yesterday in our counseling session about why Karina may be closing up again. In an essay she said she felt uncomfortable being good. That seems strange. But I was talking to my fabulous neighbor today about it. She made a good analogy. Its like deciding you are going on a diet. You go for two weeks without any sugar. You're doing great and feel good. But out of nowhere you're tired of being good. You want some sugar, NOW! You know it is going to give you a headache and make you feel lousy but you don't care anymore. You cave. Its all down hill from there.
Another factor that could have triggered her is that Lucy has been so nasty to her. A real jerk! She had been punching her and teasing her at school. On our way to St. George last week I watched through the rear view mirror as Lucy socked both Maggy (our dog) and Karina. This was no love tap. I pulled off the closest exit and told Lucy she needed to get out and do 100 jumping jacks. We waited for an hour. We even attracted the attention of a highway patrol. Lucy did her JJ's pretty fast after that. Anyway, Lucy's violence toward Karina could have contributed.
I also wonder if Karina felt empowered by Lucy's meltdown. Usually she was the one in trouble. Suddenly Lucy was doing all the things Karina was notorious for. Lucy was not only doing them. She was putting Karina to shame. Karina was the strong one for once. Then when Lucy started being cooperative Karina panicked. Something's not right. Someone has to be in trouble. Laurel did say once when there are two RAD kids in the same family they often swing on opposite pendulums.
At any rate, tonight I had to laugh to myself, which is better than crying. It all came back to me, sort of like that first twinge of morning sickness. Ugh! I remember now. This is why I felt so exasperated, desperate, frustrated... Except I don't feel those things now. Thank goodness!
On a side note: I really hesitated writing this blog. Sharing so much
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
How the Tables Turn
The director at the orphanage told us we could not adopt Karina. When she said that my tail feathers went up. Wanna bet?! I thought. I can laugh now, well sort of. I guess it's more of a resigned chuckle. I got what I wanted. I now understand why I felt more strongly about adopting Karina than Dave did. He was pushing it pretty hard before we left but once we met her I was the one who "knew she was ours". I'm pretty sure that was to prevent me from ever telling Dave he was the one who got us into this. It speaks highly of him that he has never said those words to me. Although I have told myself many times I have no one to thank but myself.
Having said that and before I go any further I will also say knowing what I know now if I had the chance to do it again, I would. I still believe strongly Heavenly Father wanted Lucy and Karina in our family. But knowing He wants you to do something doesn't make it easy, right?
We now know why the director gave us a resounding NO when we asked about Karina. Both she and Lucy have Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD. What is that? The name describes it perfectly. They react to attachment, specifically with their new mother. In other words, they do everything they can to annoy, provoke, gross out, push away, antagonize, exasperate...you get the picture. And even though you know exactly what they are doing, it works!!, which is even more exasperating.
Karina has put us through the ringer but most recently we have been struggling with Lucy. People would ask us why Lucy didn't have the same problems as Karina. I naively presumed maybe because she never formed a bond with her birth mom in the first place. She was abandoned in the hospital. That had to be it. There was no other explanation.
Wrong!!
Karina's symptoms are in our face, so to speak. Lucy's are much more subtle and sly. In fact, it wasn't until Karina's brilliant therapist began asking about Lucy that I began to pick up on her. I mean, I had always noticed the abnormal things she did (duh, Julee! Hadn't I noticed her eyeing me a thousand times like I had a big target on my nose?) I just thought maybe it was due to some disability or that it was just her personality.
When I started calling Lucy out, as directed by our counselor, employing the same methods we use for Karina, all hell broke loose. I can honestly say what I thought I would never say...Karina was never as bad as Lucy. Shocking! Because everyone loves Lucy.
It's only been three days since Lucy shifted. Well, sort of shifted. Let's just say she is being cooperative because she is tired of writing essays in the bathroom and eating peanut butter sandwiches. Our counselor says it's only a matter of time before she blows again. She still has a lot of rage bubbling under the surface. I can see and feel it, like a volcano with steam rising out the top letting out an occasional rumble. I'm bracing myself for the eruption.
For now she is on simmer. After a month of being dubbed "stupid lady", violent temper tantrums, nasty looks and even having her threaten to kill me I feel weary and leery. I was instructed she really did want to hurt me. I should protect myself and my family. We bought alarms for bedrooms and bathrooms. Presently we are accepting her attempt at calm. No punishments. Her life is punishment enough says Counselor. Poor girl. I still feel upset though I am trying not to let her know. Her counselor says to praise her every good move. It's really hard! I'm just not feeling it right now. I try anyway.
On a good note. After a couple months on the "royal" program Karina had the best month she has ever had. For the first time in nearly four year I can honestly say I felt a REAL connection with her. She has since had a hiccup which is normal. It's uncomfortable for these kids to feel good. They sabotage themselves. But it gave me a glimmer of hope. Hope...something I had pretty much given up on.
Did I mention we have an amazing therapist? She is a gift from God.
Having said that and before I go any further I will also say knowing what I know now if I had the chance to do it again, I would. I still believe strongly Heavenly Father wanted Lucy and Karina in our family. But knowing He wants you to do something doesn't make it easy, right?
We now know why the director gave us a resounding NO when we asked about Karina. Both she and Lucy have Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD. What is that? The name describes it perfectly. They react to attachment, specifically with their new mother. In other words, they do everything they can to annoy, provoke, gross out, push away, antagonize, exasperate...you get the picture. And even though you know exactly what they are doing, it works!!, which is even more exasperating.
Karina has put us through the ringer but most recently we have been struggling with Lucy. People would ask us why Lucy didn't have the same problems as Karina. I naively presumed maybe because she never formed a bond with her birth mom in the first place. She was abandoned in the hospital. That had to be it. There was no other explanation.
Wrong!!
Karina's symptoms are in our face, so to speak. Lucy's are much more subtle and sly. In fact, it wasn't until Karina's brilliant therapist began asking about Lucy that I began to pick up on her. I mean, I had always noticed the abnormal things she did (duh, Julee! Hadn't I noticed her eyeing me a thousand times like I had a big target on my nose?) I just thought maybe it was due to some disability or that it was just her personality.
When I started calling Lucy out, as directed by our counselor, employing the same methods we use for Karina, all hell broke loose. I can honestly say what I thought I would never say...Karina was never as bad as Lucy. Shocking! Because everyone loves Lucy.
It's only been three days since Lucy shifted. Well, sort of shifted. Let's just say she is being cooperative because she is tired of writing essays in the bathroom and eating peanut butter sandwiches. Our counselor says it's only a matter of time before she blows again. She still has a lot of rage bubbling under the surface. I can see and feel it, like a volcano with steam rising out the top letting out an occasional rumble. I'm bracing myself for the eruption.
For now she is on simmer. After a month of being dubbed "stupid lady", violent temper tantrums, nasty looks and even having her threaten to kill me I feel weary and leery. I was instructed she really did want to hurt me. I should protect myself and my family. We bought alarms for bedrooms and bathrooms. Presently we are accepting her attempt at calm. No punishments. Her life is punishment enough says Counselor. Poor girl. I still feel upset though I am trying not to let her know. Her counselor says to praise her every good move. It's really hard! I'm just not feeling it right now. I try anyway.
On a good note. After a couple months on the "royal" program Karina had the best month she has ever had. For the first time in nearly four year I can honestly say I felt a REAL connection with her. She has since had a hiccup which is normal. It's uncomfortable for these kids to feel good. They sabotage themselves. But it gave me a glimmer of hope. Hope...something I had pretty much given up on.
Did I mention we have an amazing therapist? She is a gift from God.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Celery... (July 19, 2011)
One of the poems we have memorized goes like this.
Celery
by Ogden Nash
Celery raw
Develops the jaw
But celery stewed
Is more quietly chewed
We had celery for lunch today. Luke is a chomper. I am always getting after him. As he munched away I gave him my normal incredulous look. He held out his arms and with a hopeless look said, "celery raw!!"
Weakness Turned to Strength (posted July 17, 2011)
We were sitting at the dinner table tonight talking about what the kids learned at church, our usual ritual. Emi and Luke learned about the parable of the ten talents. A master gives his servants talents. Two improve upon theirs and earn more. One hides his. When the master returns he gives more to those who improved theirs and takes away from the one that hid.
Today I pushed a little further than normal. What did the kids learn personally from this? What do they want to do differently because of what they learned today?
We have been struggling lately with weaknesses in our house. Steeling, lying, and unkind words, among other things have become common place. Some of us share weaknesses. Others are unique. At any rate, they have been causing hurt and contention. It seems nothing helps; discipline, talking, ignoring, etc. Dave and I have felt at a loss, and not just with the kid's weaknesses. We have felt discouraged in our own.
The parable of the talents led to a discussion of weaknesses.
"Who do you want to be like when you grow up?" I asked. "What do you like about that person?" I asked them to think about it and not answer. After awhile I asked who it was and why? Luke was first. He didn't want to share. I persisted and he did but then burst into tears. He has inherited my emotions. He wanted to be like Emi. We were all a little surprised. Not that Emi isn't someone to be emulated but when I asked who they wanted to be like I expected someone "big"--a super hero or prophet, someone from the scriptures.
He didn't want to say why he was upset. So we moved on. Emi wanted to be like President Hinckley. Lucy and Preston wanted to be like President Monson. These men are as close to perfect as you can be in this life, is my guess. Who wouldn't want to be like them? This is the answer I anticipated. The interesting thing was when I asked why they named characteristics that they struggle with, kindness and honesty, for example.
I came back to Luke. He wanted to be like Emi because she is good at music and doesn't sneak. I was shocked! What an insight into his heart. He again immediately burst into tears. My heart broke for him.
I know what it feels like to make a mistake. Not just any mistake but the same one over and over again. I know how it feels to not be that kind of person. It seems like a simple thing. Just don't do it anymore. Just stop. I even decide, "I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to do this instead." Not a few minutes later I have done the same thing again. The temptation comes and seems overwhelming and irresistible. Talk about discouragement. I understand the feelings of failure and defeat, the self-loathing that results.
So we read Ether 12:27.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
We talked about what grace means. It is the Lord's ability to make us stronger than we are. So, if we take our weaknesses to the Lord and ask for His help. If we have faith in Him He will make weak things become strong.
The kids listened. Does that mean they will be perfect or even make a change. No. But I was grateful they listened.
Luke came into my room later with an empty ice cream container. He had gotten up before everyone else and eaten it. He actually confessed before he was found out. His conscience had stricken him and he confessed. Improvement! I'm so happy.
After we finished our discussion Lucy went around the table and shared why she loved everyone and then everyone did it back. My heart took a sigh of relief. There is actually some love in this home. It's not all contention. I'm so grateful!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Can't sleep...
Random thoughts running through my brain keeping me awake:
* Preston told me tonight when he gets big he is going to have sixteen brothers and sixteen cars. Hmmm. I clarified, "sixteen brothers or sixteen sons?" Sixteen brothers. Guess he'll have to get another mom, and dad for that matter- one that can afford sixteen cars. These aren't regular cars. They will have two TV's each. Then he informed me that the policeman was going to give him sixteen brothers. Phew. What a relief, that is, as long as he is going to raise his own brothers.
* Ever tried CrossFit? Let's just say it puts P90x to shame. I guess, as my brother-in-law says, it's like comparing apples to oranges. But, after ten minutes of a "toned down" workout every muscle in my body was sore for days. And I thought I was in pretty good shape... Hah
* Consider the amount of times you say the word "like" in one day. It has become quite a versatile word with all kinds of meanings. You can insert it into nearly every sentence at least two and maybe even three times. I've never heard the likes =} I had a competition this week with my niece and Emi to see who could go twenty-four hours without saying it. Emi won. She ended up taping her mouth shut to make it the final two hours. I think the longest my niece and I were able to go was two hours. And, whenever we were engaged in a real conversation we couldn't make it more than two sentences. It was, like, pitiful.
* Thought I was ready to get back into some classes. Modern political philosophy was the only one that sounded interesting. Great Political Thinkers, Montesquieu, Voltaire, Tocqueville, and Rousseau didn't sound too intimidating at the time. Then I bought the books. Hmmm. Maybe I'll reconsider and start with a literature class.
* My sister has been suffering from postpartum depression for the last five months. It's a scary thing, for those suffering from it and those witnessing it. Been thinking about it. Our lives are all so unique and individual and, yet, so similar. It's easy to think no one has experienced what I am going through and no one understands. While our experiences may be unique I think the feelings they produce are common. I think we can relate and empathize with one another more than we think we can. It's easy to stand on the outside looking in and think we have all the answers and know exactly what the other person should or shouldn't do. But I think that judgement distances us from our fellow human beings. At least, it certainly doesn't create compassionate feelings. Maybe the only hope of unity and influence is to set aside our trite opinions and really just get in there and love and care for one another. I think we have a lot more in common than we think we do.
* To go along with it, and this is a touchy one. Have you ever heard a juicy bit of gossip and thought you couldn't breath until you had gotten it off your chest. Or maybe it was just some interesting bit of information. Of course, always preceded with, "don't tell anyone, but..." I know I have, and plenty. It's irresistible. It's exhilarating. It's harmless, right? At least, we never intended to hurt anyone and probably we even intended to help. It wasn't until fairly recently I have come to know the true nature of gossip. I mean, we all know the scriptures say we shouldn't. But, seriously, how much harm can it really cause? A lot. I know from personal experience. As much as we think we know the truth of what is going on in another person's life, we don't. Maybe we know some interesting facts or grimy details. Maybe these came from some third party person and maybe these came from the first person. If they came from a third party person you can almost guarantee the facts have been misrepresented and certainly shouldn't be shared with another third party only to be further misrepresented. And if they came from the first person, that person probably was trusting you were someone they could talk to without fearing you would spread or discuss the intimate details of their life and feelings with someone else. Take it from someone whom gossip has severely wounded. And, next time you're tempted to pass it on, don't. It really hurts. No matter how much of an authority on the information you think you are or how much you intend to help. If you really want to help first, put a stop to the gossip {or don't start it} and second, go directly to the person and just be their friend. Have a real and sincere relationship with them. Be someone they can trust. Heaven knows we all need more of those people in our lives.
I'll get off my soap box now ;}
* What is it with kids and selling, or is it just my kids? I think I finally broke them of selling old trinkets they found around the house door-to-door. Last year Luke wanted to sell a pea pod for six dollars. He ended up getting ten cents a pod. Still a rip off. There was another time they didn't even try to sell anything but knocked on doors asking for donations to help the poor {it was after we had had a lesson on helping those in need. Maybe I drove the point a little too deep.} Even better was the time they knocked asking for help so we could adopt. Oh my goodness. It was a little better today. There is some dignity in selling hot chocolate and knitted hats. The questionable part was charging extra for marshmallows or sprinkles and putting a jar with the big letter "TIPS" taped across it.
Random thoughts running through my brain keeping me awake:
* Preston told me tonight when he gets big he is going to have sixteen brothers and sixteen cars. Hmmm. I clarified, "sixteen brothers or sixteen sons?" Sixteen brothers. Guess he'll have to get another mom, and dad for that matter- one that can afford sixteen cars. These aren't regular cars. They will have two TV's each. Then he informed me that the policeman was going to give him sixteen brothers. Phew. What a relief, that is, as long as he is going to raise his own brothers.
* Ever tried CrossFit? Let's just say it puts P90x to shame. I guess, as my brother-in-law says, it's like comparing apples to oranges. But, after ten minutes of a "toned down" workout every muscle in my body was sore for days. And I thought I was in pretty good shape... Hah
* Consider the amount of times you say the word "like" in one day. It has become quite a versatile word with all kinds of meanings. You can insert it into nearly every sentence at least two and maybe even three times. I've never heard the likes =} I had a competition this week with my niece and Emi to see who could go twenty-four hours without saying it. Emi won. She ended up taping her mouth shut to make it the final two hours. I think the longest my niece and I were able to go was two hours. And, whenever we were engaged in a real conversation we couldn't make it more than two sentences. It was, like, pitiful.
* Thought I was ready to get back into some classes. Modern political philosophy was the only one that sounded interesting. Great Political Thinkers, Montesquieu, Voltaire, Tocqueville, and Rousseau didn't sound too intimidating at the time. Then I bought the books. Hmmm. Maybe I'll reconsider and start with a literature class.
* My sister has been suffering from postpartum depression for the last five months. It's a scary thing, for those suffering from it and those witnessing it. Been thinking about it. Our lives are all so unique and individual and, yet, so similar. It's easy to think no one has experienced what I am going through and no one understands. While our experiences may be unique I think the feelings they produce are common. I think we can relate and empathize with one another more than we think we can. It's easy to stand on the outside looking in and think we have all the answers and know exactly what the other person should or shouldn't do. But I think that judgement distances us from our fellow human beings. At least, it certainly doesn't create compassionate feelings. Maybe the only hope of unity and influence is to set aside our trite opinions and really just get in there and love and care for one another. I think we have a lot more in common than we think we do.
* To go along with it, and this is a touchy one. Have you ever heard a juicy bit of gossip and thought you couldn't breath until you had gotten it off your chest. Or maybe it was just some interesting bit of information. Of course, always preceded with, "don't tell anyone, but..." I know I have, and plenty. It's irresistible. It's exhilarating. It's harmless, right? At least, we never intended to hurt anyone and probably we even intended to help. It wasn't until fairly recently I have come to know the true nature of gossip. I mean, we all know the scriptures say we shouldn't. But, seriously, how much harm can it really cause? A lot. I know from personal experience. As much as we think we know the truth of what is going on in another person's life, we don't. Maybe we know some interesting facts or grimy details. Maybe these came from some third party person and maybe these came from the first person. If they came from a third party person you can almost guarantee the facts have been misrepresented and certainly shouldn't be shared with another third party only to be further misrepresented. And if they came from the first person, that person probably was trusting you were someone they could talk to without fearing you would spread or discuss the intimate details of their life and feelings with someone else. Take it from someone whom gossip has severely wounded. And, next time you're tempted to pass it on, don't. It really hurts. No matter how much of an authority on the information you think you are or how much you intend to help. If you really want to help first, put a stop to the gossip {or don't start it} and second, go directly to the person and just be their friend. Have a real and sincere relationship with them. Be someone they can trust. Heaven knows we all need more of those people in our lives.
I'll get off my soap box now ;}
* What is it with kids and selling, or is it just my kids? I think I finally broke them of selling old trinkets they found around the house door-to-door. Last year Luke wanted to sell a pea pod for six dollars. He ended up getting ten cents a pod. Still a rip off. There was another time they didn't even try to sell anything but knocked on doors asking for donations to help the poor {it was after we had had a lesson on helping those in need. Maybe I drove the point a little too deep.} Even better was the time they knocked asking for help so we could adopt. Oh my goodness. It was a little better today. There is some dignity in selling hot chocolate and knitted hats. The questionable part was charging extra for marshmallows or sprinkles and putting a jar with the big letter "TIPS" taped across it.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Preston informed me just now that his “brave” is sleeping because it didn’t eat breakfast, so I need to be quiet. What is his brave, you may ask. I wondered, too. Then it occurred to me when I want Preston to go down stairs and get something and he doesn’t want to I say, “I know you are brave. Show me.” It usually works. For future reference his “brave” needs food to function.
We were in such a hurry to get to church this morning that we left breakfast sitting uneaten on the table. Turns out, this is not such a bad idea. The kids gobbled it up when we got home and before I realized it. Did I mention it was cold oatmeal? Ugh. But hey, I didn’t have to make lunch.
Just as Preston’s brave sleeps when it doesn’t eat, Lucy’s already lacking docility goes out the door when she is sleep deprived. We had a late night on Friday and an early morning on Saturday, obviously not a good combination.
I spent a lot of time at my Grandparents in Lewiston, Ut growing up. I especially loved the fourth of July celebration. We hopped, or rather slugged, into the car at six a.m. for the hour and a half drive North. In preparation for the parade we parked across the street from what used to be my beloved Grandparent’s home. It’s so sad to see the state of what was their home for so many years. They took such immaculate care of it. But the sight, feel and even the smell of the small town flooded me with warm memories and feelings.
We started the day with breakfast put on by the local fire department; pancake, eggs, hash-browns and ham. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Following breakfast is the parade. That was quite an experience. The average American kid will dive for candy when thrown at them. Lucy and Karina are officially American now {call them Ukrainian at your own risk.} But they are also officially Ukrainian citizens until their eighteenth birthday. Maybe it is the dual citizenship but diving does not sufficiently describe what they did. They seemed to ricochet from candy to candy at the speed of a bullet. No kid within a fifty foot radius had a chance of getting any, nor dared they try for fear of being socked {ok, this is a slight exaggeration but you catch my drift.} You would think no one at the orphanage had ever thrown candy at Lucy or Karina ;} I told them several times to gather candy only in front of our car and not to the other kid going for it. After several warnings I had to banish Lucy to car. She still managed to end up with more candy than anyone else.
We were in such a hurry to get to church this morning that we left breakfast sitting uneaten on the table. Turns out, this is not such a bad idea. The kids gobbled it up when we got home and before I realized it. Did I mention it was cold oatmeal? Ugh. But hey, I didn’t have to make lunch.
Just as Preston’s brave sleeps when it doesn’t eat, Lucy’s already lacking docility goes out the door when she is sleep deprived. We had a late night on Friday and an early morning on Saturday, obviously not a good combination.
I spent a lot of time at my Grandparents in Lewiston, Ut growing up. I especially loved the fourth of July celebration. We hopped, or rather slugged, into the car at six a.m. for the hour and a half drive North. In preparation for the parade we parked across the street from what used to be my beloved Grandparent’s home. It’s so sad to see the state of what was their home for so many years. They took such immaculate care of it. But the sight, feel and even the smell of the small town flooded me with warm memories and feelings.
We started the day with breakfast put on by the local fire department; pancake, eggs, hash-browns and ham. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Following breakfast is the parade. That was quite an experience. The average American kid will dive for candy when thrown at them. Lucy and Karina are officially American now {call them Ukrainian at your own risk.} But they are also officially Ukrainian citizens until their eighteenth birthday. Maybe it is the dual citizenship but diving does not sufficiently describe what they did. They seemed to ricochet from candy to candy at the speed of a bullet. No kid within a fifty foot radius had a chance of getting any, nor dared they try for fear of being socked {ok, this is a slight exaggeration but you catch my drift.} You would think no one at the orphanage had ever thrown candy at Lucy or Karina ;} I told them several times to gather candy only in front of our car and not to the other kid going for it. After several warnings I had to banish Lucy to car. She still managed to end up with more candy than anyone else.
Before the parade.
About halfway through the parade.
It’s in situation like this she tells me she is not Lucy, but Liuba. And although I couldn’t understand completely, from what I could understand she was going to send me to Ukraine. On a side note… When she is happy in America, she is Lucy. When unhappy, Liuba. But even when she is Liuba, calling her Vovke {her Ukrainian surname} is an unendurable insult and always results in incessant sobbing. This is dished out by Karina, in her tormenting moods. Karina, likewise, does not like to be called Sotnikova.
One of the few pieces of candy Preston managed to grab.
It remained a Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde day for Lucy. One minute it was Liuba, the next Lucy. As the day progressed she transitioned entirely to Liuba.
At the movie. Movies are two dollars and popcorn and treats are fifty cents in Lewiston.
We watched fireworks with some friends that night. I'm not sure if the girls have seen fireworks before but Karina screamed several times and hid under the blanket.
I can think of no better way to spend the fourth than in the small towns of America. Call me sentimental. I am, I can’t help it.
We went to the drive-in theater this week. I think we need a bigger car.
Karina gave Lucy a halo of flowers.
Emi at her first ballet recital.
The girls eating one of their favorite snacks. Uncooked ramen noodles.
A slumber party.
Monday, June 15, 2009
You know something serious has happened when the dog is depressed. Rubee, our dog, was long overdue for a haircut when I got home. It took me a couple of weeks to get her in. When the day finally came I requested they cut her hair as short as they could. I have to say I’ve never seen a dog with such short hair. But I guess I can’t complain. They only followed my orders.
When we got home Rubee was really mopy. I didn’t think too much of it except for feeling bad I had them cut her hair so short. I had robbed her of her dignity. She probably felt naked. But she spent most of the next day in her kennel and wouldn’t eat. She wouldn’t stop shivering and had a nervous twitch. After two more days of the same behavior I took her back to the vet. Nothing was wrong. They gave her a cortisone shot and said she should perk up in twenty-four hours.
Three days later she was still the same. She cowered under the couch or stayed in her kennel. Normally she runs if she knows we are going to put her in there. She would only eat and drink from our hands and even then only if there was no distraction. The vet said to call if nothing changed. So I did and she said to bring her back in.
Turns out the grooming was the final straw. After living with my parents for six weeks, then having two new girls in the house, and finally loosing her hair… Well, she had had enough. And to make matters worse she is suffering from her first bout of PMS. Her kennel became her refuge. {Sometimes I wish there was enough room in there for me, too.} Oh dear. I was worried about the hormone level in this house after adding two preteen girls. You mean to tell me I have to worry about the dog’s hormones, too? You’ve got to be kidding me. But I guess I can't blame the poor thing. I know how I feel after a bad haircut. Combine that with wacky hormones and two Russian speaking girls, one who won't keep her hands off you and the other jumps and screams evertime you come around the corner {Lucy is afraid of dogs. Poor Rubee doesn't understand Russian either and probably thinks she doesn't like her new hair-do. I'm sure it hurts her feelings.} I didn't realize Rubee was so sensitive. But she is a female, after all.
We had a minor eruption this morning. When I heard yelling from many different voices I rushed out of the bathroom to find Luke in an arm-lock with Karina, Liuba ready to strike and Emi down for the count. They were each banished to separate rooms, primarily so I could resist the temptation to join in. While I was taking my breather Karina and Lucy came in and said, “Emi, Luke, sorry.” Meaning they wanted to say sorry. So I gathered all five of them around the computer for a good lecture with the translator {thanks for the idea Wendy.} It’s ok to be angry or frustrated but we don’t hit in this house. We don’t kick. We don’t touch out of anger, only out of love. “Understand?” Yes. If we do make a mistake we look the other person in the eye, say, “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again. Will you forgive me? I love you.” Then we give the other person a hug. “Got it?” Yes. We went around the circle, each apologizing to the other. It turned out to be a good bonding moment. Who would’ve thought? Not that I recommend fighting, but if it happens why not make the most of it? {Is that a good answer to your bonding question, Jami? This post is in response to your request, after all.}
After a little encouragement from my friend and after the girl’s breaking two of our small bikes {the ones with training wheels for four year olds} and one of our neighbor’s I decided I should make getting them bikes a priority. When there are so many priorities it’s hard to decide which one to put first. I wasn’t ready to drop a couple hundred dollars right now so after a suggestion from that same friend I went to D.I. to find a couple of bikes.
When I saw the selection I almost changed my mind about dropping the money at Walmart for something new. But Lucy and Karina immediately found what they wanted and wouldn’t leave without it. These bikes were in a sad state, to say the least. But the girls couldn’t be happier. So I gave in and spent the twenty dollars for their precious bikes. I couldn’t help but think if these were my biological kids they would have had a fit at the prospect of such a thing. What’s that law? The one about diminishing returns…
I was worried when they realized their bikes weren’t as nice as the other kids they would complain. Apparently there is nothing a little paint won’t fix. Karina got out the paint the next day and touched hers up. Unfortunately, they are still riding around the toddler tractor and bikes.
There are days I wonder what in the world I have done. The kids spent a couple of days at their Grandma’s and I’m a little embarrassed to admit I was glad. I was actually able to get the one room clean that I have been trying to clean for nearly three weeks. I was so thankful to have some peace and quiet. I wondered if I really even loved my kids. I determined I do love them individually but when you get them all together… Well, there are just so many of them and they’re so noisy.
In the chaos of the day-to-day living I don’t have time to think about how hard this really is. I get so caught up in trying to take care of everything emotional, physical and spiritual for these five kids. The process of providing for theirs consumes the whole of mine and there is simply no time or energy left to spend worrying about how hard this is. There is a huge language barrier causing stress not only for the two imports but for the originals as well. Needless to say there is a lot of emotional tension in the air. I guess it’s a good thing there is always so much going on because there is no time to brood and agonize over this. All I can do is take a moment and day at a time and do the best I can. It was only in my two-day break that I was able to question the sanity of this decision. However, I am relieved to rediscover in the days that have followed their return that I do indeed love them. I am glad to have them home, all of them.
When we got home Rubee was really mopy. I didn’t think too much of it except for feeling bad I had them cut her hair so short. I had robbed her of her dignity. She probably felt naked. But she spent most of the next day in her kennel and wouldn’t eat. She wouldn’t stop shivering and had a nervous twitch. After two more days of the same behavior I took her back to the vet. Nothing was wrong. They gave her a cortisone shot and said she should perk up in twenty-four hours.
Three days later she was still the same. She cowered under the couch or stayed in her kennel. Normally she runs if she knows we are going to put her in there. She would only eat and drink from our hands and even then only if there was no distraction. The vet said to call if nothing changed. So I did and she said to bring her back in.
Turns out the grooming was the final straw. After living with my parents for six weeks, then having two new girls in the house, and finally loosing her hair… Well, she had had enough. And to make matters worse she is suffering from her first bout of PMS. Her kennel became her refuge. {Sometimes I wish there was enough room in there for me, too.} Oh dear. I was worried about the hormone level in this house after adding two preteen girls. You mean to tell me I have to worry about the dog’s hormones, too? You’ve got to be kidding me. But I guess I can't blame the poor thing. I know how I feel after a bad haircut. Combine that with wacky hormones and two Russian speaking girls, one who won't keep her hands off you and the other jumps and screams evertime you come around the corner {Lucy is afraid of dogs. Poor Rubee doesn't understand Russian either and probably thinks she doesn't like her new hair-do. I'm sure it hurts her feelings.} I didn't realize Rubee was so sensitive. But she is a female, after all.
We had a minor eruption this morning. When I heard yelling from many different voices I rushed out of the bathroom to find Luke in an arm-lock with Karina, Liuba ready to strike and Emi down for the count. They were each banished to separate rooms, primarily so I could resist the temptation to join in. While I was taking my breather Karina and Lucy came in and said, “Emi, Luke, sorry.” Meaning they wanted to say sorry. So I gathered all five of them around the computer for a good lecture with the translator {thanks for the idea Wendy.} It’s ok to be angry or frustrated but we don’t hit in this house. We don’t kick. We don’t touch out of anger, only out of love. “Understand?” Yes. If we do make a mistake we look the other person in the eye, say, “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again. Will you forgive me? I love you.” Then we give the other person a hug. “Got it?” Yes. We went around the circle, each apologizing to the other. It turned out to be a good bonding moment. Who would’ve thought? Not that I recommend fighting, but if it happens why not make the most of it? {Is that a good answer to your bonding question, Jami? This post is in response to your request, after all.}
After a little encouragement from my friend and after the girl’s breaking two of our small bikes {the ones with training wheels for four year olds} and one of our neighbor’s I decided I should make getting them bikes a priority. When there are so many priorities it’s hard to decide which one to put first. I wasn’t ready to drop a couple hundred dollars right now so after a suggestion from that same friend I went to D.I. to find a couple of bikes.
When I saw the selection I almost changed my mind about dropping the money at Walmart for something new. But Lucy and Karina immediately found what they wanted and wouldn’t leave without it. These bikes were in a sad state, to say the least. But the girls couldn’t be happier. So I gave in and spent the twenty dollars for their precious bikes. I couldn’t help but think if these were my biological kids they would have had a fit at the prospect of such a thing. What’s that law? The one about diminishing returns…
I was worried when they realized their bikes weren’t as nice as the other kids they would complain. Apparently there is nothing a little paint won’t fix. Karina got out the paint the next day and touched hers up. Unfortunately, they are still riding around the toddler tractor and bikes.
There are days I wonder what in the world I have done. The kids spent a couple of days at their Grandma’s and I’m a little embarrassed to admit I was glad. I was actually able to get the one room clean that I have been trying to clean for nearly three weeks. I was so thankful to have some peace and quiet. I wondered if I really even loved my kids. I determined I do love them individually but when you get them all together… Well, there are just so many of them and they’re so noisy.
In the chaos of the day-to-day living I don’t have time to think about how hard this really is. I get so caught up in trying to take care of everything emotional, physical and spiritual for these five kids. The process of providing for theirs consumes the whole of mine and there is simply no time or energy left to spend worrying about how hard this is. There is a huge language barrier causing stress not only for the two imports but for the originals as well. Needless to say there is a lot of emotional tension in the air. I guess it’s a good thing there is always so much going on because there is no time to brood and agonize over this. All I can do is take a moment and day at a time and do the best I can. It was only in my two-day break that I was able to question the sanity of this decision. However, I am relieved to rediscover in the days that have followed their return that I do indeed love them. I am glad to have them home, all of them.
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