Laying It On the Line

I have really debated whether or not to post on the worldwide web what goes on in our private life at home. I'm not a huge fan.  I'd rather people I don't know, even people I do know, not be privy to my daily life.  I guess my greatest fear is being misunderstood and judged.  I've had my fill.  People see glimpses of what is going on with Lucy and Karina, how we handle them in certain situations, make assumptions and pass judgement.  I understand.  I've done it before; look at a person's circumstances in life and am convinced I know the cause, symptoms and cure.  I've passed my fair share of judgement and served large helpings of unsolicited advice

In turn, I've had advice poured down on me like its the healing rain over a scorched land.  Some offer help, others threaten to report us to the police.  I've heard it lamented that I don't love them more, quoted "charity suffereth long...", told "orphans don't get to choose who adopts them".  Its been suggested more than once that perhaps we just brought them here so they could find their forever family, or maybe we should find them a family with less kids so they could have more attention.  I have been tagged the angry and controlling mother (which, by the way, are symptoms of RAD) and chastised for labeling my children. Once after a neighbor rebuked me I was reduced to tears and said we were doing all we could.  She flat out told me we weren't.  Ouch!  If we would just let Karina talk and listen to her...

Last December I was thrown a life line.  We were at our whit's end.  Karina was completely out of control and we were at a loss as to what to do.  Nothing we had tried worked.  Not only had nothing worked but things were escalating.  We were desperate with nowhere to turn.

It was at this time my brother, who had been my neighbor for the last year and half and who was an eye witness to our struggles, moved to a new neighborhood.  He called me one day in amazement.  He told me he had just had a conversation with his new neighbor who had adopted a sibling group several years prior.  She talked to him of their struggles.  The trials they had been through were almost identical to what he had either personally witnessed or I had shared with him about Karina.  It gave him goosebumps.  Being the saint that his neighbor is she told him she would love to talk to me.

I called her in desperation after yet another encounter with a neighbor.  She calmed my frazzled spirit.  It was the first time I was able to talk to someone who completely understood what I was going through.  There was no irrelevant though well meaning advice.  There was no judgement.  There was just understanding, empathy and encouragement.  She had felt the same despair and desperation only months before and was thrown a life line.  Now she was offering it to me.  Bless her!  She gave me her phone number, telling me to call or text anytime day or night. She even gave me her husband's number in case I couldn't reach her.  There was a waiting list for the counselor who had helped work wonders for her family.  My new friend helped us survive the interim.  She continues to offer her blessed support and friendship as an answer to many fervent and anguished prayers.

And so I have decided to swallow my pride and put myself on the line in hopes of offering a line.  I probably will be misunderstood, judged or scoffed at.  And that is ok.  If I can help even one person, as my friend helped me, to know they are not alone and there is indeed hope I will be satisfied.